Day 39: Schoolgirl and SL Encounter Rules of Engagement

Okay, Im pulling a SW: Episode 1 thing here (i.e. start at Episode 4, then go back to 1). Im going back in time to Day 39 to write about that outfit, because of its significance. Day 39 was the Schoolgirl outfit.

Here I was, wearing that outfit at New Citizen's Plaza. New Citizen's is a great place to get started. They have a small but good selection of freebies, lots of helpful notecards, a pose studio to take your Profile photo, classes, and a sandbox. Theres a regular group of oldies that hang out there.

To come to New Citizen's Plaza, click on Search at the bottom of your screen, select the Places tab, and enter "new citizens" as the keyword. The SLURL is Kuula (54,175,29).

OK, we all know what a Schoolgirl outfit is. There is no formal definition, but its, well, something that a schoolgirl would wear to school. Except our version would get her expelled. In RL, my Schoolgirl outfit is a white shirt and a pleated dark green plaid skirt. I have worn it to clubs just to see what happens. I generally get lots of...um...positive reactions.

So I was curious if the same applied in SL. I keep an informal "Hit Meter" running when I go out in SL. That is, I keep a loose count of the number of "Hey Sexy" dialogs (<<--I made a link!) I engage in. For most outfits, I get about 2-3 "hits" if I were going around shopping and looking around. More if I went clubbing or to other pickup places.



However, the "Hit Meter" went off the scale with the Schoolgirl outfit. Easily double the normal number of "hits". I guess the Schoolgirl outfit works in SL as well. So out of curiosity, what is it about the outfit that does it for you? Is it the knee socks? The Catholic schoolgirl mini skirt?



The cute glasses? (does that make me look smarter?)

Or is it the whole schoolgirl thing? (nothing to do with the cloths, really) That's it, isnt it?

Now, I probably sound a bit insensitive with the whole "Hit Meter" thing. Despite it being SL, it still takes a bit of courage to face rejection. And walking up to a girl with "Hey Sexy" is definitely inviting it. But I think there should be an etiquette about this type of encounter.

First, some point of view from the girl's perspective: I get hit on all the time in RL and SL. All girls do. The number doesnt really matter. The simple fact is that we do not have the time or energy to date every guy who hits on us. So we are forced to be selective. When you hit on us, you are effectively asking us to choose you over every other guy who has hit on us that day, week, month, etc. So how should we choose?

Can I be real honest with you? I am looking for a mate (not at this moment, but just in general). A life partner to raise a family with. For most women, that is the end goal.

For most guys, you are looking to "score". Be honest. So there is a conflict of interest between us. I want a life-mate, the guys just want me for the night. Its easy to tell the intentions of most guys ("Hey Sexy" is a good tipoff). Beyond that, its work, aka dating.

In order for us to function normally, we need to limit the amount of dating that we do. So we apply all kinds of bad filters to choose the right guys, and refine those filters throughout our lives. Personally, my filters pick the worst possible guys for me. If anyone has a set of working filters, can you Trans it to me?

OK, that was the long version of the girl's perspective. Bottom line is: we need to reject a lot of guys who hit on us. Sorry, dont take it personally. Sometimes, we just dont want to be bothered. We may be in a hurry or in a bad mood. Maybe we dont like the color of your shirt. You never know.

But we should have some rules of engagement for Second Life encounters:

Guys:
1. Be respectful. We spend a lot of time, $L, and effort to be pretty for you. We are not asking anything of you. So dont treat us badly.

2. Read our Profiles first! If it says we are not looking for a relationship, guess what? We are not kidding. Plus we prob answered half you questions in our Profiles already.

3. Prepare to hold a discussion with the girl. Dont just take her through your list of 3 qualification questions and ask her to cyber. If you want quick cyber, get an escort. You will be guaranteed a better time.

4. If we reject you, just type "It was nice talking to you" and move on. Make an SL Gesture out of it! You cannot argue your way into a date. Save you keystrokes for the next girl who comes along.

5. Dont send TP invites or Friend every girl you see. And dont get insulted if we dont accept Friendship. We may not want you to TP in while we are changing cloths. I very rarely accept Friendship from guys for that reason. If you want to contact us later, write down our names with a pen and paper. If thats too much work, maybe it wasnt meant to be.

6. In a busy area (like a club or a hub), dont assume we know you are talking to us if you just walk up behind us and say "Hey Sexy". First, there may be a lot of chatter flying by the screen. Second, we have no idea who you are talking to (and we are probably praying that whoever used that line is talking to someone else). Third, we may be busy with IM or cleaning out our Inventory. If you want to chat, put our names at the start of the message, i.e. "Natalia, Hey Sexy" *cringe*. And dont get annoyed if we dont respond. We may not have noticed it.

Girls:
1. Be respectful. It took courage for the guy to come up and hit on you (even if its a "Hey Sexy"). They are human beings. Be nice.

2. At least acknowledge the guy and reply. Its not nice to just blow someone off. Be friendly and say hello back. After the initial hellos, if you cant or dont want to chat, just tell them "I have to go" and move on. Make an SL Gesture out of it! I know its extra work. I have to do it too. We should keep things civil.

3. If you are going to reject, do it nicely. Dont swear at or belittle the person. That just invites griefing. Even if its an alien insect avatar obviously looking up your skirt, just be nice and part pleasantly. Put some smilies in there. :)